365-Day 10 - "Just chillin' in my crib"

Don't dis' it.

It's paid for
Not much to clean
I can take it apart and take it with me when I move.
No windows to wash
I have to live alone

And in a bit I'm going out cruising in the jeep!

Never mind the fact that my butt doesn't really fit in either one. Gotta take the bad with the good I suppose.

365-Day 9 "Sad Reflection"

Since I'm also adding these to my blog, let me preface this by saying this isn't something that I want to talk about and I'm not upset or angry at anyone. I commited to myself to be real about each day and so I'm trying to uphold that commitment to myself.



I guess the picture should be of my cried all morning face. I need to soon speak on something that I've tried to long forget. Once I got through this part of my life, I shoved it to the side hoping not to have to think about it again. I don't have the energy to type it again so I'll just cut and paste this portion. If you have time, here's the meaning behind the picture...

"Eight years into our marriage we had Dawson. When he was born everything seemed fine, but at one month old he developed reflux. It seemed pretty typical of reflux at first but then he started choking. His reflux would could up so violently and strong that it wouldn’t come out of his mouth, but up into his nose. Since babies are nose breathers it was basically as if he was suffocating. We were sent to a pediatric Gastro Intologist and for the very least 2 or 3 months Dawson would choke almost every night until they finally got his medication regulated. He had to be hooked up to a heart monitor every time he slept in case he choked and we didn’t hear it. Between the monitor going off often for no reason at all and hearing him struggling and jumping up to help him, we needless to say didn’t get much sleep for months.

Although this should have been the happiest time of my life (and in so many ways it still was) it was also a very dark time in my life. I didn’t leave the house much because I was so exhausted. A lot of people close to me didn’t understand what was going on because “he just had reflux” and thought that I should be out and about every day and that I was blowing things out of proportion. That was incredibly hard on me and was a pretty lonely feeling. We eventually got D's medication regulated and he started getting better and was eventually able to sleep in his own room without a heart monitor.

We thought we were finally past all of this and were just starting to let down our guard when he started getting random low grade fevers. His pediatrician at the time told me that we needed to keep an eye on him for Cancer. That totally pulled the rug out from under me. I ended up taking him to another doctor, and it took him almost a year to convince me that he really didn’t have cancer. Shortly after his doctor made this comment we were driving down the road and I turned around in the seat to talk to D and he was shaking and his eyes were rolling back in his head. That moment was the total rock bottom in my life. I really thought that he was dieing. We called 911 and met the rescue squad. They determined that he had a 105 degree fever and thought that he had had a febrile seizure. Mentally I just shut down that night until just a few hours later he was up flirting with the nurses and back to his old self. I wish I had known beforehand about febrile seizures."

I know that people have been through so much more than this, but the thought of almost losing him several times his first year of life is something that I've tried not to ever think about again. Until now.........

*Added to say, how stinkin' cute is that chubby face? ;)

*Added just for the blog to say that since this all came up, Jeff tearfully confided in me that there was one night after Dawson was off of the monitor and back in his room that he wen't into his room and he was blue. He had choked, was laying on his back and we didn't hear it - we thought he was past it all. He had to get him up quickly and clear out his nasal passages. Just more confirmation for me that the medication and monitors were all necessary. Althought I wish I had been told then, it's nice to have that peace of mind.

365-Day 8 - "Daniel"

We're pretty routine on Sunday's. Get up, go to church, out to lunch with friends and for a few more weeks I'm doing a study on the book of Daniel Sunday night. I'm supposed to do homework every night, but Sunday afternoon's I'm usually found cramming a weeks worth of homework into a few hours =).

I've thought about buying a new camera, Canon - Oh the horror! ;). My Nikon is now angry and revolting because she's ruining almost every image on my CF cards. I took several pix but this was the worst and ONLY image that I could actually get off of the card. She better walk a thin line or she'll find herslef in the dump! That'll teach her! ;)

One of these days I'll learn how to work my timer!

365-Day 7 - "When irish eyes are smiling"

Or irish and dutch according to my great grandfather. Crazy busy day, freezing and windy!! This is as good as it get's today. As my four year old would say "You get what you get and don't have a fit!" ;)

365-Day 6 - "Better coffee for a better world"

That's a lot to ask of a cup of coffee!

Met one of my best friends (since the 5th grade) for coffee this morning at a cute little local coffee shop. Who drinks iced coffee on a snowy cold day? That would be me!

365-Day 5 - Trampoline Kisses

He's getting older - I take my kisses any way I can get them. This is the littlest of my two loves. The other one is much taller and 40 years older =). I love this little guy more than anything. I'm finding four is a trying age, but when I stop and forget about my frustrations all of the funny things far outweigh the screaming matches. He is quite a trip!

365 - Day 4 - I'd like to teach the world to sing.....

I'd like to buy the world a coke and.................... I can't remember the next line - ha! I thought it was "and keep it company". Who are we keeping company though? The coke? I don't get it. Anyway, just do it! Have a coke and a smile! Or diet coke in my case. Love me some diet coke!

364-Day 3 / Image is best if NOT viewed larger

On Flickr (which is where this group is), a lot of people will have images and underneath the image they have a link to view the image larger. That's the reason for my header =). Explore is the very first section when you go into Flickr and they're the images that Flickr deems the best of the best. Just thought I'd explain, so you'd know what I was talking about =).




Well, here I am. Blurry image, terrible cropped off forehead and all =). All I had with me outside today was the 50mm lens and no place to put the timer. So this is what you get! Nothing like a self portrait to make you want to go dive in the anti-aging cream and run screaming to the plastic surgeon - ha! Of all my images if THIS ONE ends up on explore, I'll have to hunt those people down . . . no really!

365-Day 2 I CAN EXPLAIN!

Who me? And that puddle on the kitchen floor? You see, I can explain. You see, it was that sister of mine. She's really no good at all! I know that my feet are wet, but I can explain that too. I was walking by and she pushed me in it. Really, I had nothing to do with it at all. I mean, look at this face. Could I tell a lie?

Sorry, just my knee today. My creative juices got wiped up with the 4th puddle of puppy pee.

365 Group-Day 1 ESCAPE

I recnetly joined a 365 group. I have to take a picture every day with some part of me in the image and the picture has to be taken by me. I'm not sure if I'll be able to stick with it, but we'll see. Here's my post......




I love this 365 idea so I'm going to make a go of it! Besides, taking a picture and writing about my life each day has to be much less expensive than therapy =)

My original idea was something in the front yard, but I think I need to work on my bravery there. Not to mention, the oil man was next door and was already looking at me strange because I was barking to get my dogs back in the house (they're big chickens, it's the only way).

My second idea was this very same thing with a nice tropical picture on the screen. Then I came across THIS picture! And I thought, well this is EXACTLY how I'm feeling and WHY I need to escape so PERFECT! Let me start by saying that I love this little D man with everything in me. He is truly my heart and soul. But just this morning, the big man (hubby) had to drag him (and I do mean drag him) out of church while D man is grasping for everything in site (chairs, pastors wife) as if he's being dragged to his death. Everyone's looking as if he really is being dragged to his death, while I sit slouched down in my seat. So there! One of the many reasons that I need an escape. Time to start planning that girls weekend!

Filling the hole

Ever feel like you have this huge hole inside and you just can't fill it? I do! I needed to write this thought process down today as a reminder to myself. Feel free to read along if you also have a hole inside that you're trying to fill and need to think on it a bit.


I'm awful about reading this daily devotional book that I have, but for some reason I picked it up today. It's very strange because the topic of "Peace" has been on my heart a lot lately. There was a great quote in it today that really stuck with me - "Peace is not having all things in control, but knowing Him who controls all things".


I often don't feel at peace and when I stop and take a look back I realize it's because I've been trying to control my life all by myself. The mentality is "it's MY life and I'll do with it what I please". Truth of the matter is, if it weren't for God's grace I wouldn't have opened my eyes today or even taken a breath. I wouldn't be able to look at the beauty around me or see D's smile. It's then that I realize that the reason things feel so crazy is because I've just been too busy to remember that this life isn't mine to control. I know I've blogged about this before, but I guess I'm a slow learner and need a reminder every so often =).


When I get crazy and stressed it's like this hole inside me starts to develop and it get's larger and larger. I look for things to fill it - food, surfing the net, working, buying things and strangely the hole is still there. Some people look for other things to fill it - meaningless relationships, alcohol, smoking. As hard as I try, I just can't seem to fill this hole. But when I take a step back, slow down and acknowledge my Creator, I realize that nothing is going to fill the hole but Him.


Picture this with me - your best friend betrays you and of course you're broken hearted. Now things get's even worse and you're arrested for a crime that you didn't commit. How scary would that be? Knowing that there's nothing that your friends and family can do about it. You just think "How on earth is this happening to me?". It's got to be an incredibly scary and lonely feeling to say the least. Not only are you arrested, but now you're convicted. Your own peers are now convinced that you're guilty and they talk the judge into sentencing you to death..............TODAY! Wow! So you're beaten beyond an inch of your life and forced to carry a heavy object to the top of a hill in all your misery and you know you're on your way to your death. Nails are then driven into your hands and your feet (just image how painful that would be having a sharp object going through all that cartlidge and skin and veins - sorry to be so graphic but this is a REAL pain that I'm trying to convey here). Thorns are then put on your head. Then you're put upright on a cross to hang. I would think that it would be excrutiating to move or breath with your weight simply hanging from the nails that have been driven through your body. Now you're laughed at and spit on.


Imagine all of this happened to someone that you love. What if you were the one that betrayed them and it then turned into this? What if you realized after their death that they did all of this FOR YOU. They knew that something in your heart wasn't right and it was either you or them and they chose to die for you.


True story of course. God in the flesh. These people spitting on him and laughing at him, that without Him who hangs there they wouldn't even be breathing. They didn't believe in Him and they didn't give him the respect that He so rightly deserves. He's God's son so of course he could have gotten himself out of that mess, but he chose to die for every single one of us so that we can live forever.


I for one want peace and I don't want to be the one disrespecting the one that hung there on that cross FOR ME. So out of respect and thanks I need to learn to lay it there. Right there where those people tortured him, I need to walk past them and lay my life at the foot of the cross. Which he so rightly deserves. Then, and only then, TRUE peace is found and the hole is filled.