365-Day 9 "Sad Reflection"

Since I'm also adding these to my blog, let me preface this by saying this isn't something that I want to talk about and I'm not upset or angry at anyone. I commited to myself to be real about each day and so I'm trying to uphold that commitment to myself.



I guess the picture should be of my cried all morning face. I need to soon speak on something that I've tried to long forget. Once I got through this part of my life, I shoved it to the side hoping not to have to think about it again. I don't have the energy to type it again so I'll just cut and paste this portion. If you have time, here's the meaning behind the picture...

"Eight years into our marriage we had Dawson. When he was born everything seemed fine, but at one month old he developed reflux. It seemed pretty typical of reflux at first but then he started choking. His reflux would could up so violently and strong that it wouldn’t come out of his mouth, but up into his nose. Since babies are nose breathers it was basically as if he was suffocating. We were sent to a pediatric Gastro Intologist and for the very least 2 or 3 months Dawson would choke almost every night until they finally got his medication regulated. He had to be hooked up to a heart monitor every time he slept in case he choked and we didn’t hear it. Between the monitor going off often for no reason at all and hearing him struggling and jumping up to help him, we needless to say didn’t get much sleep for months.

Although this should have been the happiest time of my life (and in so many ways it still was) it was also a very dark time in my life. I didn’t leave the house much because I was so exhausted. A lot of people close to me didn’t understand what was going on because “he just had reflux” and thought that I should be out and about every day and that I was blowing things out of proportion. That was incredibly hard on me and was a pretty lonely feeling. We eventually got D's medication regulated and he started getting better and was eventually able to sleep in his own room without a heart monitor.

We thought we were finally past all of this and were just starting to let down our guard when he started getting random low grade fevers. His pediatrician at the time told me that we needed to keep an eye on him for Cancer. That totally pulled the rug out from under me. I ended up taking him to another doctor, and it took him almost a year to convince me that he really didn’t have cancer. Shortly after his doctor made this comment we were driving down the road and I turned around in the seat to talk to D and he was shaking and his eyes were rolling back in his head. That moment was the total rock bottom in my life. I really thought that he was dieing. We called 911 and met the rescue squad. They determined that he had a 105 degree fever and thought that he had had a febrile seizure. Mentally I just shut down that night until just a few hours later he was up flirting with the nurses and back to his old self. I wish I had known beforehand about febrile seizures."

I know that people have been through so much more than this, but the thought of almost losing him several times his first year of life is something that I've tried not to ever think about again. Until now.........

*Added to say, how stinkin' cute is that chubby face? ;)

*Added just for the blog to say that since this all came up, Jeff tearfully confided in me that there was one night after Dawson was off of the monitor and back in his room that he wen't into his room and he was blue. He had choked, was laying on his back and we didn't hear it - we thought he was past it all. He had to get him up quickly and clear out his nasal passages. Just more confirmation for me that the medication and monitors were all necessary. Althought I wish I had been told then, it's nice to have that peace of mind.